I feel I have been an awful blogger. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!
The hubs and I had a great visit with our families in Kansas this past week. I have finally reached the 12 week milestone so we were able to share our news with our families only. We will probably announce the pregnancy to our friends around the 20 week mark just out of personal preference (unless I am huge by that time...although I have no bump yet). Our families were ecstatic and to say there were a lot of tears is an understatement. I wrote a poem in a card that made our parents think but did not give the surprise away. I then wrapped up our 11W5D ultrasound picture for them to open after reading the poem. It was precious.
I know that I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family. I miss them so much, and every time I leave I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I also recognize that I have a wonderful group of girlfriends. It kills me to lie to them every time they ask me if I have any baby news. I feel so guilty because I can feel my friends disappointment every time they ask. Most of my girlfriends have been there for me and supported me through this journey and it feels so wrong to not tell them. Hopefully they will understand the reason I waited so long when I do decide to tell. I can't wait to talk all things baby when I do come out to my closest friend who is expecting her second child....it has been so difficult to bite my tongue when I talk to her!
I also know that I am blessed to of found Resolve. Although I no longer attend the Glenview group because I am now expecting, I have been invited to attend a new group through Resolve that is for women who have struggled with infertility and are either currently pregnant or who have already had children. There are several of my IF friends through the Glenview group that are now expecting so they will now be attending this new group, and I can't wait to see them! We have become pretty close.
I hope everyone has a wonderful New Years! Although I will be jealous that I will not be able to drink champagne, we do have plans to attend a party with several of our good friends so I am definitely looking forward to it. Hopefully I can stay awake!
Cheers to 2012!!!
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Good News, Bad News
Today was our first OB appointment. I LOVE our OB. He came highly recommended from my RE and highly recommended from one of my husband's top surgeons in his territory. He also spent three hours with us today. I also love that he is a straight shooter...he doesn't just tell you what you want to hear.
First, the baby looked excellent today. My OB gave us 3D pictures and the baby is so freaking cute. I was actually almost measuring 10 weeks today when I am really only 9W3D. The baby was dancing around in its little bubble. Baby's heart rate is at 167 bpm. It is so crazy to think that the baby is that active and inside of ME! I have no morning sickness anymore and am really only suffering from tiredness, so it was such a relief to see that everything was ok. More good news...my OB did not even hesitate when we asked if we could come in next week for another ultrasound. Generally he would not perform another ultrasound until 13 weeks, but due to my history he is absolutely willing to see me weekly until 12 weeks. Such a relief! My miscarriage risk is all the way down to 4%. To think I have a 96% chance of not miscarrying is great....now he was quick to point out that this percent does not include pre-term labor, stillbirth, etc....but overall we have a good shot right now!
Now, not everything was all peachy today. A matter a fact we received some unsettling news which will warrant extra attention during my pregnancy. The OB said he wouldn't consider me entirely high risk, but there could be some complications. I always knew that I had fibroids which was part of the reason I had a lap done last spring. Well, the largest fibroid is now the size of a nerf football. It has already grown almost 4 cm. in 9 weeks and it is laying right on top of my colon. I believe the measurements were around 11cm x 10 cm (it took up the entire ultrasound screen zoomed out). At least my sciatic nerve pain can be explained. The doctor will be watching this carefully as it could degenerate and worse case scenario make me go into pre-term labor. My RE had already explained this risk, but it never felt real because I have never gotten this far into a pregnancy. Most likely I will need a cesarean, although, my OB will do anything/everything for me to have a vaginal birth. If a cesarean is the worse thing I have to face, then I am happy.
More alarming, my OB discovered another fibroid which is inside of the muscle of my uterus (unlike the nurf football sized one which is on the outside). He became very quite when he saw this. The problem, the placenta is latched on directly underneath this fibroid. If the fibroid grows (which is likely) and starts pushing in on the cavity of the uterus, then it could be threatening to the baby and possibly cause miscarriage. Again, this is a worse case scenario, but I am glad the doctor told us about it regardless. There is also mixed data showing whether these fibroids decrease blood flow to the uterus.
So, these fibroids which were not supposed to cause me any issues according to my last GYN are now possibly threatening to my pregnancy. A matter a fact, my previous GYN never even saw the fibroid inside my muscle because they never used a 3D ultrasound, which is the only thing that picked it up. Ladies...this is why it is imperative to have an excellent OB/GYN. My RE never really said much about these because his job was to get me pregnant. Anytime he saw an issue, he referred to my GYN. Seriously though, if you go on the intranet and look up whether fibroids are threatening to a pregnancy, almost always it says no. So why the hell is my case any different! It is so frustrating.
Anyways, I am not going to complain because overall everything went well today. I mean what pregnancy is absolutely perfect? Probably none.
First, the baby looked excellent today. My OB gave us 3D pictures and the baby is so freaking cute. I was actually almost measuring 10 weeks today when I am really only 9W3D. The baby was dancing around in its little bubble. Baby's heart rate is at 167 bpm. It is so crazy to think that the baby is that active and inside of ME! I have no morning sickness anymore and am really only suffering from tiredness, so it was such a relief to see that everything was ok. More good news...my OB did not even hesitate when we asked if we could come in next week for another ultrasound. Generally he would not perform another ultrasound until 13 weeks, but due to my history he is absolutely willing to see me weekly until 12 weeks. Such a relief! My miscarriage risk is all the way down to 4%. To think I have a 96% chance of not miscarrying is great....now he was quick to point out that this percent does not include pre-term labor, stillbirth, etc....but overall we have a good shot right now!
Now, not everything was all peachy today. A matter a fact we received some unsettling news which will warrant extra attention during my pregnancy. The OB said he wouldn't consider me entirely high risk, but there could be some complications. I always knew that I had fibroids which was part of the reason I had a lap done last spring. Well, the largest fibroid is now the size of a nerf football. It has already grown almost 4 cm. in 9 weeks and it is laying right on top of my colon. I believe the measurements were around 11cm x 10 cm (it took up the entire ultrasound screen zoomed out). At least my sciatic nerve pain can be explained. The doctor will be watching this carefully as it could degenerate and worse case scenario make me go into pre-term labor. My RE had already explained this risk, but it never felt real because I have never gotten this far into a pregnancy. Most likely I will need a cesarean, although, my OB will do anything/everything for me to have a vaginal birth. If a cesarean is the worse thing I have to face, then I am happy.
More alarming, my OB discovered another fibroid which is inside of the muscle of my uterus (unlike the nurf football sized one which is on the outside). He became very quite when he saw this. The problem, the placenta is latched on directly underneath this fibroid. If the fibroid grows (which is likely) and starts pushing in on the cavity of the uterus, then it could be threatening to the baby and possibly cause miscarriage. Again, this is a worse case scenario, but I am glad the doctor told us about it regardless. There is also mixed data showing whether these fibroids decrease blood flow to the uterus.
So, these fibroids which were not supposed to cause me any issues according to my last GYN are now possibly threatening to my pregnancy. A matter a fact, my previous GYN never even saw the fibroid inside my muscle because they never used a 3D ultrasound, which is the only thing that picked it up. Ladies...this is why it is imperative to have an excellent OB/GYN. My RE never really said much about these because his job was to get me pregnant. Anytime he saw an issue, he referred to my GYN. Seriously though, if you go on the intranet and look up whether fibroids are threatening to a pregnancy, almost always it says no. So why the hell is my case any different! It is so frustrating.
Anyways, I am not going to complain because overall everything went well today. I mean what pregnancy is absolutely perfect? Probably none.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Baby? Are you in There?
Well, I am beginning my 9th week. My first OB appointment is December 12th so I am trying to remain calm and patient. Today has been a wonderful day which causes me concern (I know I need to stop worrying). As I stood in front of the mirror this morning looking down at my non-existent baby bump and/or bloat I began wondering if there was in fact a baby in there? Shouldn't I be feeling something? So, in an attempt to make myself feel better, I am writing down a list of all things I have experienced in the last two weeks to remind myself that I am in fact pregnant. That the baby didn't just disappear from my stomach overnight.
1. Burping- Yes, I understand it is disgusting and my poor office mate probably wishes she worked next to somebody else every day. Thank God she spends most of the day cursing at her computer which tends to override the majority of my unflattering burps.
2. Nausea- Overall it has not been too bad. When it is, I find myself running to the bathroom almost excited. "Yeah! I threw up today! I feel like a normal pregnant lady." It is almost as if it is a victory for me and I am able to relax for a couple of hours.
3. Nighttime bathroom trips- I find myself making at least two to three trips to the bathroom every night. I honestly don't mind...my poor dog on the other hand appears sleep deprived. If only he could speak my language then I would say "Suck it up furbaby, it only gets worse!" My husband is lucky, he has been out in California for the past two weeks. He is in for a rude awakening when he gets home tomorrow night.
4. Emotional- I found myself bawling through two episodes of "One Born Every Minute". I don't mean tears trickling down my cheeks...I mean full on crying. Next up...I found myself crying through an episode of the "Millionaire Matchmaker". Really? Come on, that show isn't even sad. What the hell is wrong with me?
5. Exhaustion- I can not seem to get enough sleep. I find myself forcing my eyes to stay open around 1 pm everyday. Hence why I am writing my blog right now...to avoid taking a nap. I am not going to lie, there have been at least two occasions where I locked myself in the "nursing station" in the bathroom of my work to take a power nap. So wrong.
Hmmm...after looking over the above listed items I am not sure if this blog is making me feel better. As I said before I don't feel much of anything today. I mean, I feel as if I could run a marathon today...okay maybe half marathon...oh, who am I kidding! I am lazy as hell right now! I am just going to go back to the kitchen, eat some more chocolate, and worry some more.
1. Burping- Yes, I understand it is disgusting and my poor office mate probably wishes she worked next to somebody else every day. Thank God she spends most of the day cursing at her computer which tends to override the majority of my unflattering burps.
2. Nausea- Overall it has not been too bad. When it is, I find myself running to the bathroom almost excited. "Yeah! I threw up today! I feel like a normal pregnant lady." It is almost as if it is a victory for me and I am able to relax for a couple of hours.
3. Nighttime bathroom trips- I find myself making at least two to three trips to the bathroom every night. I honestly don't mind...my poor dog on the other hand appears sleep deprived. If only he could speak my language then I would say "Suck it up furbaby, it only gets worse!" My husband is lucky, he has been out in California for the past two weeks. He is in for a rude awakening when he gets home tomorrow night.
4. Emotional- I found myself bawling through two episodes of "One Born Every Minute". I don't mean tears trickling down my cheeks...I mean full on crying. Next up...I found myself crying through an episode of the "Millionaire Matchmaker". Really? Come on, that show isn't even sad. What the hell is wrong with me?
5. Exhaustion- I can not seem to get enough sleep. I find myself forcing my eyes to stay open around 1 pm everyday. Hence why I am writing my blog right now...to avoid taking a nap. I am not going to lie, there have been at least two occasions where I locked myself in the "nursing station" in the bathroom of my work to take a power nap. So wrong.
Hmmm...after looking over the above listed items I am not sure if this blog is making me feel better. As I said before I don't feel much of anything today. I mean, I feel as if I could run a marathon today...okay maybe half marathon...oh, who am I kidding! I am lazy as hell right now! I am just going to go back to the kitchen, eat some more chocolate, and worry some more.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Graduation Day
So...today I graduated from my RE officially. I am not a touchy feely person by nature so when I received hug after hug it was a bit awkward, not to mention painful for my sore boobies. BUT, it was very nice that everyone was so genuinely happy for me. I have become very spoiled with my weekly ultrasounds and although my new OB does want to continue my weekly ultrasounds for the time being, I have a feeling it will not last long.
So what did I see today. Today I saw my baby with a nice strong heart beat of 165 bpm. Our baby now has a head, arms, legs, and a cute little butt. The U/S tech also pointed out to me the baby's spine. It was all fascinating. After one of the pictures, I was able to see the arms move and the baby waved...the baby is already loving all of the attention!
As for me, the morning sickness (or all day sickness in my case) has hit. Turkey season could not have come at a worse time. The smell of heated up turkey or any meat for that matter is absolutely disgusting. However, I am loving the way that I feel! Call me insane, but it makes this all feel so real. I don't care what I have to endure, just give me a healthy, happy baby.
I have several IF friends either getting ready to start treatment or currently going through treatment. I am wishing you ladies the best of luck. I have not forgotten about you all. I know how you ladies feel and I will never forget what I have gone through so far to get here. We are so deserving of our dream and I truly hope that each of you remains hopeful. It will happen for you one way or another. It is just the process to get there and the "not knowing" that is the worse. I still feel like I do not know how this will end up for me. I spend more time trying to ignore the fact that I am pregnant than actually thinking about it because I am so terrified still. What we have to endure emotionally and physically is not fair, but we all are being driven by something far more powerful...and that is to have a baby. Hugs!
So what did I see today. Today I saw my baby with a nice strong heart beat of 165 bpm. Our baby now has a head, arms, legs, and a cute little butt. The U/S tech also pointed out to me the baby's spine. It was all fascinating. After one of the pictures, I was able to see the arms move and the baby waved...the baby is already loving all of the attention!
As for me, the morning sickness (or all day sickness in my case) has hit. Turkey season could not have come at a worse time. The smell of heated up turkey or any meat for that matter is absolutely disgusting. However, I am loving the way that I feel! Call me insane, but it makes this all feel so real. I don't care what I have to endure, just give me a healthy, happy baby.
I have several IF friends either getting ready to start treatment or currently going through treatment. I am wishing you ladies the best of luck. I have not forgotten about you all. I know how you ladies feel and I will never forget what I have gone through so far to get here. We are so deserving of our dream and I truly hope that each of you remains hopeful. It will happen for you one way or another. It is just the process to get there and the "not knowing" that is the worse. I still feel like I do not know how this will end up for me. I spend more time trying to ignore the fact that I am pregnant than actually thinking about it because I am so terrified still. What we have to endure emotionally and physically is not fair, but we all are being driven by something far more powerful...and that is to have a baby. Hugs!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)