C-Section It Is

I haven't been blogging much because I hate the new blogger set up.  I have noticed that my blogs are quite boring lately, but I used to write them at work when I have time.  Now, due to the new design of blogger, I can't get on blogger at work.  At night I am so exhausted, I find myself just blabbing on and on when writing posts. So I am apologizing ahead of time.

Well....so much has happened since my last blogpost!  First, I forgot to blog about my huge 32 week milestone (or perhaps I was just too lazy to)!  I was scheduled for an ultrasound for a couple of reasons.  First, my doctor wanted to make sure my placenta moved away from my cervix.  Second, I was scheduled for a growth scan due to some concerns about not gaining weight appropriately eventhough I eat like a cow, and because my doctor was worried about the fibroids crowding the baby. Everything turned out great!  The placenta has moved up and the baby was measuring at 4 pounds 5 ounces at 32 weeks (66th percentile).

However, there always seems to be some bad news.  The baby is still breeched.  Actually, the baby is in the exact position she was in at 20 weeks.  She is in a frank breech position with her butt down low, feet by her ears, head jammed up inside my right ribs, and her arms criss crossed in front of her face shielding her from any glamour shots we wanted the doctor to take :) This normally wouldn't be a problem since there is plenty of time for the baby to flip.   In my case, our baby is not flipping.  She is literally wedged between a 10 cm fibroid and an 8 cm fibroid.  She looks plenty cozy with nowhere to go.  I asked the doctor to tell me the chance she would flip.  In normal pregnancies it is 40%.  For me I was told "it isn't happening".  Another ultrasound at 34 weeks confirmed this.  She was in the EXACT position again...butt, feet, head, hands, and all.  I swear I have the most chill baby ever! Must be all that Bob Marley music I am playing her.

So, a c-section it is.  It was supposed to be scheduled for Wednesday, July 4th.  However, my doctor is out of town for the holiday so it is scheduled for Monday, July 9th.  I was hoping that our doctor would bump the c-section up a week instead of back a week, but apparently the hospital I am delivering at has a policy in place preventing any c-sections from being scheduled prior to 39 weeks.  I am not happy about a c-section and scared shitless about the probability that I will go into labor while my doctor is on vacation and a doctor I have never met will have to perform an emergency c-section.  I honestly try not think about any of it.  I have to be thankful for where I am at today.

34 Weeks 

Weight Gain: 12 pounds

Symptoms: tired, rib pain, shortness of breath, emotional, hot all the time (I wonder if this is what menopause feels like)

What I miss: A beer

Milestones: every week is another milestone!

Things to look forward to: weekly NST's, another ultrasound at 36 weeks


34 Weeks Bump Pic


Mother's Day

What really makes one a mother?
Do you physically have to give birth in order to be called a mother?
Do you have to have been pregnant before to be a mother?
Do you have to have living children to be called a mother?
I guess depending on who you ask, the answers may vary.

I know that I consider myself a mother already.  I also know that my parents made it a point to tell me how excited I must be that next year I will be able to celebrate Mother's Day.  It is a shame that I had to remind them twice in the same phone call that I am already a mother.  My three babies may not be here physically with me, but they are being taken care of, and they are hopefully looking down on me smiling as I am looking up at them.  I am not upset with my parents.  I realize that as much as they want to be there for me, the past two years have been difficult on them as well.  It is easier to just be excited about what is occurring now, and push all of the frustration and sadness aside.  Denial is just easier.

However, as I talk more and more about my emotional pain and struggles over the last almost two years, something amazing has started to take place.  Understanding and true empathy.  I had one of my closest friends come over last week.  She has always been a very dear friend to me, but in the past year and half, infertility has driven a wedge between us which we are trying to overcome.  She and her daughter stopped by for a play date with gift and card in hand.  She got me a Mother's day card for those awaiting a baby, but it was what she said before I opened the card that choked me up.  "Now I know you are already a mother...".  I don't know why this was so important to me, perhaps my hormones are completely out of control.  However, she was the first one from the non-infertility world to recognize that and it meant a lot.

Today is a hard day for a lot of my friends.  Either they are remembering what could have been, or they are mourning what they don't have but long for.  I think about and pray for each of them.  I am somewhere in the middle, and it is still difficult. I ask that if you know someone suffering from infertility or loss, that you remember them today as well.  You may not realize how much it truly means to them that you have recognized them on this day as well.

30 Weeks

I can't believe we only have 10 weeks left!  I have been in complete nesting mode.  I have started on the nursery, but there is still a ton of work to do.  Since I am still apprehensive about completing the nursery, I have decided to start redecorating our living/dining space instead.   I don't know what I was thinking.  Anyways, back to my post...

30 Weeks

Weight Gain: 12 pounds

Symptoms: round ligament pain, fatigue, heartburn, constant braxton hicks contractions

What I Miss: Sleep, sleep, and more sleep

Milestones: actually being able to feel parts of the baby whether it is the head or butt (can't tell which) pushing out on my stomach, buying some big ticket items such as infant car seat and stroller/bassinet, and passing both NST's

Things to look forward to: ultrasound in two weeks!

Two weeks ago, we ended up having to go see our doctor due to lack of movement.  I didn't think it was a big deal, but the nurse freaked me out when I called and basically yelled at me.  So in I went for a non-stress test and my first diet coke in 7 months ;)  Everything is apparently fine.  Our baby is just out of room because of these damn fibroids.  I have also been lifted off any bedrest or modified bedrest.  Actually, I was told to begin walking everyday to see if the baby's head will surpass my fibroid.  Basically the large fibroid is blocking my birth canal. This just means more ultrasounds for me! As much as this fibroid has caused me problems such as pre-term labor, it appears that the fibroid is also preventing me from dilating.  It is ironic how things work.  I will leave you with a 30 week pic.  (I apologize for the pink wife beater.  I truly have no idea what I was thinking wearing this shirt in my first pictures, but I am just trying to keep it consistent.  I really do dress better than this.)