What!? Me Confused?

So....today I had my IVF consult and confused is only the beginning.  First, let me say that my IVF retrieval and transfer won't be until around October 20th-29th.  However, hubs just got a new job and he will be in California for most of September so we had to have our consult a little early.

Apparently I must look like I shoot myself up a lot because my nurse went over the injections in like ten minutes.  I have no idea what she was talking about or demonstrating.  I mean for those of you that have gone through IVF, you can probably understand that the whole thing is quite daunting.  I had 12 prescriptions written for me and I am sure I may be missing another one or two. I think I am going to have to go back for another consult before actually injecting myself with anything.  This whole experience has disaster written all over it.  I mean seriously...it took me like 30 min. to inject myself with my ovidrel shots.  I can just picture myself standing in front of the mirror for hours trying to figure out how to mix what and shoot what where?  Ugh...anyways....

10-3: take last birth control pill
10-6: baseline ultrasound and bloodwork
10-9: begin Gonal F and Monopur
The remaining prescriptions (not sure where they all fit in at this point): Zithromax, Crinon gel, Ovidrel, Vivelle patch, Valium, Vicodin, Ganirelix Acitate, Leuprolide, Progesterone oil, baby aspirin,

I mean is any of this really necessary except the Valium and Vicodin?!  I will have some of that now please. I mean seriously they should prescribe Xanax too.  I need it. I am scared shitless after this consult.

By the way...this pic was from vacay and oh how I wish I could go back in time to this very moment right now....especially after today.

Is this thing working?

Just picturing myself at 4 a.m. Sunday morning POAS wouldn't normally make me smile.  However, after seeing yet another "one liner", I convinced my half-asleep self that there MUST be something wrong with the stick.  The stick was not working!!! I began flicking it, shaking it, and even held a flashlight up to it trying to find that hidden other line....but eventually I had to accept the fact that maybe the test was not lying.  I was not pregnant. My doctor was right when he said clomid can make you crazy!  Seriously what was I thinking?!

So, another failed IUI meant a meeting with our RE was a must.  I walked into his office with puffy eyes, crazy hair, and mumbling something about what we need to do next.  First thing he said..."A lot of women say that clomid makes them feel crazy, emotional, and irrational.  It is not a good drug."  Well he sure got that right.  I mean I must have looked like a complete mess today for him to start our meeting by saying that.  (I can only imagine what my co-workers and friends must think who have no understanding or idea what I am going through.)

I came to the conclusion that I am going to jump off the crazy train and start IVF in October (or perhaps that sounds even more crazy to some).  I am not happy about this, but at this point hubs and I are willing to take the chances.  I think the fact that I had two perfect follicles this month and everything looked great and I still managed to get that damn one line...it is time to try something else.

By the way, I was also diagnosed with PCOS today.  I mean really it took this long for them to diagnose me?  I have been saying I had PCOS from the beginning, but what do I know.  Damn...at least I can have a drink tonight!

The Waiting Game

Last night was 8DPO for me and I finally tested out the trigger shot.  I have to admit it is a little disheartening to see a negative pregnancy test.  My parents come into town this evening and I am hoping that my anxiety about my 2WW coming to an end doesn't ruin my weekend. 

I think I am going to test either 11 or 12 DPO.  I don't really feel anything unusual other than the sore BB's and some slight cramps and heaviness in the abdomen.  I am fully aware that taking progesterone suppositories cause an array of symptoms similar to that of being pregnant. Honestly, I don't read in to symptoms anymore due to this fact. I just know if this doesn't work I am on to IVF.  I am ready to move to something else since IUI and trying naturally are clearly  not working for me.

On a side note, hubs gave me a DSLR camera for my birthday and I finally got it yesterday.  Now I have a new hobby that can keep me busy.  I need something to take my mind off everything or I am going to drive myself crazy.

Tampons, panty liners, and pregnancy tests...oh my!

Do you ever wander what the checkout lady is thinking when you go to the store?  Do you ever think that in their heads they are thinking "hmmm...this girl is confused" or "what the hell does this girl need 10 pregnancy tests for" or "poor thing...she must be pregnant and in denial and that is why she is buying so many tests...".  Case in point, below are the items I walked out of Walgreen's with today:

3 boxes of 3 different kinds of pregnancy tests (hey gotta try them all)
1 box of tampons
2 boxes of panty liners (damn progesterone suppositories!)
1 box of Tylenol (does regular Tylenol even work?)
1 candy bar

I watched the checkout lady very carefully as she scanned my items and on more than one occasion her eyebrows bunched up in a confused state (pretty sure that was after scanning the PG tests immediately followed by the tampons).  HA! She even waved around the box of thong panty liners to loudly announce (with a line at least 15 deep) that she didn't realize they made those kinds of pads.  I had to quietly correct her that they in fact were not pads but panty liners and that they were awesome.

As for my 2WW goes, I feel absolutely normal.  I have had terrible AF like cramping the last couple of days, but I get that every month.  All I know is that I am attending the "Family of My Own" conference tomorrow and my RE happens to be a guest speaker. Also, I already scheduled an appointment with him way ahead of time just in case this cycle fails too.  So at least I am prepared.

I have a lot of friends on blogger or on BBC that are either starting their cycles or are in their 2WW.  So I am sending lots of well wishes to you all! Good luck!

IUI # 2

Where to begin...
For my second IUI, I have been getting monitored frequently to prevent any follicles from getting too big (as was the case with IUI # 1).  Friday was my last monitoring appointment and the RE sent me home with instructions to trigger on Sunday night.

Friday:
Follies: R: 16mm, 14mm, 9.5mm; L: 11 mm, 10mm, 9mm, 8mm
Estrogen: 359
Lining: 10

With two more days for my follicles to mature before trigger, I imagine I may have had two good follies this time around.  I can honestly say that this time I can feel my ovaries aching.  I know that may sound weird, but I am somewhat uncomfortable.  The nurse thought this was a very good thing....as pessimistic as I am I thought this meant I may be hyperstimulated.  Time will tell.

Monday:
IUI went great this morning.  Hubs had great numbers!  Also, as I sit here writing this entry my sides are aching!!! I don't know if this means I am ovulating right now or am about to or already have, but it hurts! I don't know how to explain it, but I feel really good this time around.  Hopefully I had more than one follicle and just something in my gut tells me that I deserve this already.

I have another IUI tomorrow.  In the meantime I will be chugging pedialyte just in case my ovaries are overstimulated.  Hopefully this will also help with any cysts I may develop.

I am going to stay off the radar for a while. I have a busy two week wait ahead of me.  I don't want to jinx anything.  Plus, I am usually pretty depressing to listen to during the wait.  Sometimes I look back at past posts and thing "wow I am really whiny".  I am going to try to stop that and think nothing but positive thoughts. 

Wishing all my TTC ladies luck!

Here we go again

I have been quiet on here because I wanted to enjoy my month of fun.  Taking the month off to get rid of my cyst has been a blessing in some ways because I have realized that I have forgotten about the things that make me happy. It is so easy to get caught up in the disappointment that you find yourself missing out on all the good things around you.  We had weddings, birthdays, vacations, and lots of times with friends...friends we haven't seen for a while.  It was good.

August brings a new month and a new shot at IUI # 2.  My baseline confirmed that the cyst is gone. I did have a high LH which concerns me.  Of course I googled this and what did I find out...high LH correlates with an increased chance of miscarriage.  Great.  If I have a 4th miscarriage I seriously don't know what I will do (although I said the same things before # 3). So, I am just going to take one thing at a time.

Estrogen: 34
FSH: 6
LH: 14.2 (somewhat high which I am a little concerned about)
Intrafollicular count: a whopping 22 (maybe more than one follicle will grow this month)

I have a Resolve meeting on Wednesday, my parents are coming up to visit this month, and I have a conference I am attending for infertility and adoptions.  Lots going on including work being extremely busy to keep me preoccupied this month. I am going to try to keep my head up :)

I have my first monitoring appointment tomorrow (CD8) to see how my body is reacting to the clomid days 3-5 this time around and to recheck my LH levels.