This past weekend was absolutely beautiful and sunny. As I was walking along the sidewalk in the sun I noticed a shadow. At first, I turned around to see who was following me. See, the shadow was someone who was clearly pregnant. It took me a second to realize that the shadow was me. For some reason this small instance of seeing my shadow was the moment in time that I finally realized that this may actually happen! The connection was finally there. The connection between my daughter and I that I had so longed for up until this point. Not that I didn't love my baby before, but I would not allow myself to be excited yet. I didn't quite believe....it is all feeling so real now.
I have to admit that I feel a bit guilty that I can continue to talk about my pregnancy especially after what my friend has endured which is probably why I haven't blogged in some time. I was quite affected by her loss. However, I decided long ago that I was going to do this. Good or bad I was going to document my infertility struggle which would hopefully end up being a pregnancy blog and a future baby blog. So hear goes:
20 Weeks
Weight Gain: 6 pounds.
Baby Bump: Yes! Finally! I do have a small bump, although still quite low.
Maternity clothes: I have bought one pair of maternity jeans and one pair of dress pants.
Symptoms: heartburn/acid reflex, cramping, and I am still getting bloody noses. I have also started to get hungry....as in I feel like I am starving all the time. Bring on the weight gain!
Milestones: We had our 20 week anatomy scan yesterday. Everything looked good as far as they could tell. The placenta is extremely close to my cervix so I will be getting rescanned in four weeks to make sure that the placenta has moved up. Otherwise, I could get placenta previa and end up on bed rest (yuck!). Also, I think the baby had a choroid plexus cyst which I think are fairly common, but I still get nervous. Again, my rescan in four weeks will hopefully show that this has gone away.
Things to look forward to: Finally looking at baby items. I am trying to get through the Baby Bargains book before doing so. I finally picked out custom bedding/fabric that I love and am pretty much going to plan the nursery around that. Still haven't bought anything baby related yet though.
I continue to feel blessed everyday. I had dinner with my Resolve 2 girls last night. It is always fun seeing pictures of their babies and listening to their advice. They all give me hope that I will have a beautiful, happy baby even after everything I have been through, because they have all been through the same. My husband and I are also going to dinner with our friends who lost their babies (see previous post). I can't wait to see her and give her a big hug!!! I think about her everyday and continue to pray that in time her heart is able to heal, although never forget....as I wish for all the other women out there dealing with infertility or loss.
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Heartache
I know I have been asking my followers to pray and keep in their thoughts my friend who has been in the hospital due to complications in her pregnancy. Unfortunately, Sunday morning she lost her babies. I wasn't going to write about it, and I still am not because it is not my story to tell. However, I also can't ignore the significant impact the turn of events have had on me.
Miscarriage and loss brought us together and to our surprise we both became pregnant at the same time. She was my buddy...always the optimist calming my fears whenever I became scared shitless about this or that. She knew my secret before anyone else and I knew hers. To me, she always came across as this symbol of strength for which I often strived for.
After getting the news yesterday, everything I had set out to accomplish for the day seemed meaningless. I felt lost, alone. I felt angry and sad. A couple of times throughout the day I found myself wondering to our bedroom just so I could get away and have a good cry. I just needed some time to mourn for my friend and her precious babies.
There is nothing fair about it. Life is a pile of crap sometimes and there is no logical reason for things. It just doesn't make sense. The more I try to make sense of everything, the more frustrated I become. I can say that I refuse to lose my faith. My friend will one day take home a child, and she will be such an absolutely amazing mother, just as she has been such an amazing mother for all of the beautiful babies she has carried thus far.
Please just keep my friend in your thoughts and prayers. Let her find peace and resolve. Pray that she can mourn, but never give up hope.
Miscarriage and loss brought us together and to our surprise we both became pregnant at the same time. She was my buddy...always the optimist calming my fears whenever I became scared shitless about this or that. She knew my secret before anyone else and I knew hers. To me, she always came across as this symbol of strength for which I often strived for.
After getting the news yesterday, everything I had set out to accomplish for the day seemed meaningless. I felt lost, alone. I felt angry and sad. A couple of times throughout the day I found myself wondering to our bedroom just so I could get away and have a good cry. I just needed some time to mourn for my friend and her precious babies.
There is nothing fair about it. Life is a pile of crap sometimes and there is no logical reason for things. It just doesn't make sense. The more I try to make sense of everything, the more frustrated I become. I can say that I refuse to lose my faith. My friend will one day take home a child, and she will be such an absolutely amazing mother, just as she has been such an amazing mother for all of the beautiful babies she has carried thus far.
Please just keep my friend in your thoughts and prayers. Let her find peace and resolve. Pray that she can mourn, but never give up hope.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
17 Weeks
This week was a BIG week for us! On Sunday we found out the gender of our baby and it is a....GIRL!!! Hubs and I were ecstatic. Of course we would have been entirely happy with either a boy or a girl. The hubs has been so cute all week. He is a guys guy, and just to see his excitement about having a daughter almost makes me cry. It has been a good week :)
Sunday we also came out with our secret that we are expecting. The day was full of texts and phone calls to our closest friends and family. I could genuinely hear the excitement and relief that most of my friends expressed with our news. Many were just praying that the no news meant good news and that the IVF was successful. I still have a few friends to reach out to. Again, we are blessed to have such good people in our lives.
17 Weeks
Weight gain: 4-5 pounds
Baby bump: definitely rounded out finally
Maternity Clothes: No
Symptoms: headache, headache, headache....did I mention headache? And the dreaded growing cramps.
Milestone: finding out that we are having a daughter. The beginning of "flutters". I at first thought it was gas or muscle twitching a week ago. Now, there is no mistaking that I am feeling the beginning movements of our baby.
Things to look forward to: My bi-weekly ultrasound which will be next Wednesday. Also, our anatomy scan in three weeks. I pray that everything is perfect.
I continue to pray each and every day that I am able to keep this baby inside me. Hopefully I will have good news from my doctor next week that the baby still has plenty of room. I know that as the baby is growing, so are my five fibroids. There is only so much room. 7 more weeks until viability and then every week thereafter will be another milestone. I love our baby girl more than I ever thought possible. I can not and will not fail at bringing this beautiful girl into the world.
Sunday we also came out with our secret that we are expecting. The day was full of texts and phone calls to our closest friends and family. I could genuinely hear the excitement and relief that most of my friends expressed with our news. Many were just praying that the no news meant good news and that the IVF was successful. I still have a few friends to reach out to. Again, we are blessed to have such good people in our lives.
17 Weeks
Weight gain: 4-5 pounds
Baby bump: definitely rounded out finally
Maternity Clothes: No
Symptoms: headache, headache, headache....did I mention headache? And the dreaded growing cramps.
Milestone: finding out that we are having a daughter. The beginning of "flutters". I at first thought it was gas or muscle twitching a week ago. Now, there is no mistaking that I am feeling the beginning movements of our baby.
Things to look forward to: My bi-weekly ultrasound which will be next Wednesday. Also, our anatomy scan in three weeks. I pray that everything is perfect.
I continue to pray each and every day that I am able to keep this baby inside me. Hopefully I will have good news from my doctor next week that the baby still has plenty of room. I know that as the baby is growing, so are my five fibroids. There is only so much room. 7 more weeks until viability and then every week thereafter will be another milestone. I love our baby girl more than I ever thought possible. I can not and will not fail at bringing this beautiful girl into the world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)