Retrieval

This time around has been significantly different.  I was not in pain.  I did not have many follicles.  I was hardly monitored.  I hardly felt any hope.

8 eggs retrieved
4 fertilized

Day3:
All four still going:
Three 8 cell
One 6 cell

Day 5:
1 3BB Blastocyst (transferred on day 5)
2 morulas

Day 6:
2 morulas did not make it
Nothing to freeze

I am nervous.  I feel nothing.  I know everyone says this.  However, after 6 pregnancies I have become very in tune with my body.  I keep praying for some type of sign.  Nothing. I have had no cramping.  None.  I always have horrible cramping at the beginning of my pregnancies.  I am taking deep breaths, crossing my fingers, and praying.  Lots and lots of praying.

Second IVF

I am currently in the midst of my second IVF.  I am convinced my new clinic is compromised of a bunch of idiots.  I know...I am not being very positive at the moment.

Protocol: Microdose Lupron Flare
Meds:
10 units of Lupron (AM and PM)
3 vials of menopur (PM)
225 units of Gonal F (PM)
23 Units Saizen (AM)
ColQ10
Vitamin D
DHEA
Prenatal
Baby Aspirin
Lovenex (will start after retrieval to replace the aspirin)
Folgard

Day 3 labs:
FSH: 9.5
AMH: .86
9 antra follicles
Not great labs at all!

After Day 2 Stims:
Estrogen: 139

After Day 5 stims:
Estrogen: 560
Follicles: 5 in the 14-15mm range, 2 around 13mm, 1 in the 8mm range

I just don't understand what is going on with my body.  Three years ago I had 20+ follies at this time.  My doctor also has me on a very high dose of meds which I don't understand.  I always thought slow and steady was the way to go.  I feel like my follies are pretty large for only being on stims for 5 days.

I have already had a phone consult with Dr. Surrey at CCRM.  That is how pessimistic I am about my situation.  And the husband will be taking a new job to help pay for all of the out of pocket expenses we will be paying if we go to CCRM.  I hate this shit. I truly hate that some of us have to go through this.  And on top of it we have to deal with freaking idiots for doctors.  I miss my clinic in Chicago.  They were amazing.  Clearly Kansas is not a hub for infertile women seeking out treatment.

I am done bitching.  Until next time.

FET Update

Of the 5 frozen embryos, only 1 made it through the thaw.  The lab claims a 98% thaw rate.  Nobody can understand or tell me how this happened.  4 "good" quality 5 and 6 day blasts all arrested.  Lots of tears were shed with the realization that our family would not be completed with our remaining embryos.

We put 1 embryo in and miscarried on 7-31-14 (Happy f'ing birthday to me).

Pretty much in shock even a month later.

Had my annual infertility labs drawn this month....FSH 9.5 and AMH .86.  Basically my body is wanting to go into menopause at the age of 34.  Again...shocked/numb.  My labs were always perfect, even a year ago.  A year ago my FSH was 3 something and AMH was 2.2.  How is this happening? 

CCRM phone consult scheduled for 10-2-14 with Dr. Surrey.  We have lost hope that any clinic can help us in Kansas City.

The two year break of not having to think about this infertility crap is over.  Just thinking every day of all the other ways that I am blessed so I do not sink back into that dark hole again.   

Second Time Around...

I can't believe it has been a year and a half since I last posted.  So much has happened.  We have moved to Kansas,  both my husband and I changed jobs, I had a myomectomy in July '13, I got pregnant naturally in September '13, I miscarried in November '13, my daughter is about ready to turn 2, and I am gearing up for my first FET!!! Whew! That is a summary of the past year and a half.

I just found myself looking up information from my IVF.  I am so glad I documented everything because I have forgotten so much.  I am currently in the estrogen priming phase of the FET.  I am suffering a horrible migraine, but other than that I am just counting down the days.  My tentative transfer date is July 14th.  We have 5 blasts left that we shipped from Chicago.  I am excited, but ever so cautious.  The odds that I will miscarry are much higher than me actually carrying a healthy baby so I have to be guarded.

I am so happy to see so many of my "blogger friends" either pregnant or have already had another baby!  So much has happened.  Congrats to those of you.  And to those of you still trying...my heart goes out to you.  I hate all of the emotional BS that goes along with treatments.  It took me two years to even think of starting treatments again because I just didn't want to go to "that emotional state" again.  It takes so much out of you.

I will try to update later.  Hugs to you all.