Mother's Day

What really makes one a mother?
Do you physically have to give birth in order to be called a mother?
Do you have to have been pregnant before to be a mother?
Do you have to have living children to be called a mother?
I guess depending on who you ask, the answers may vary.

I know that I consider myself a mother already.  I also know that my parents made it a point to tell me how excited I must be that next year I will be able to celebrate Mother's Day.  It is a shame that I had to remind them twice in the same phone call that I am already a mother.  My three babies may not be here physically with me, but they are being taken care of, and they are hopefully looking down on me smiling as I am looking up at them.  I am not upset with my parents.  I realize that as much as they want to be there for me, the past two years have been difficult on them as well.  It is easier to just be excited about what is occurring now, and push all of the frustration and sadness aside.  Denial is just easier.

However, as I talk more and more about my emotional pain and struggles over the last almost two years, something amazing has started to take place.  Understanding and true empathy.  I had one of my closest friends come over last week.  She has always been a very dear friend to me, but in the past year and half, infertility has driven a wedge between us which we are trying to overcome.  She and her daughter stopped by for a play date with gift and card in hand.  She got me a Mother's day card for those awaiting a baby, but it was what she said before I opened the card that choked me up.  "Now I know you are already a mother...".  I don't know why this was so important to me, perhaps my hormones are completely out of control.  However, she was the first one from the non-infertility world to recognize that and it meant a lot.

Today is a hard day for a lot of my friends.  Either they are remembering what could have been, or they are mourning what they don't have but long for.  I think about and pray for each of them.  I am somewhere in the middle, and it is still difficult. I ask that if you know someone suffering from infertility or loss, that you remember them today as well.  You may not realize how much it truly means to them that you have recognized them on this day as well.