Reality

This past weekend was absolutely beautiful and sunny.  As I was walking along the sidewalk in the sun I noticed a shadow.  At first, I turned around to see who was following me.  See, the shadow was someone who was clearly pregnant.  It took me a second to realize that the shadow was me.  For some reason this small instance of seeing my shadow was the moment in time that I finally realized that this may actually happen!  The connection was finally there.  The connection between my daughter and I that I had so longed for up until this point.  Not that I didn't love my baby before, but I would not allow myself to be excited yet.  I didn't quite believe....it is all feeling so real now.

I have to admit that I feel a bit guilty that I can continue to talk about my pregnancy especially after what my friend has endured which is probably why I haven't blogged in some time.  I was quite affected by her loss.  However, I decided long ago that I was going to do this.  Good or bad I was going to document my infertility struggle which would hopefully end up being a pregnancy blog and a future baby blog.  So hear goes:

20 Weeks

Weight Gain: 6 pounds.

Baby Bump: Yes! Finally! I do have a small bump, although still quite low.

Maternity clothes: I have bought one pair of maternity jeans and one pair of dress pants.

Symptoms:  heartburn/acid reflex, cramping, and I am still getting bloody noses.  I have also started to get hungry....as in I feel like I am starving all the time.  Bring on the weight gain!

Milestones: We had our 20 week anatomy scan yesterday.  Everything looked good as far as they could tell.  The placenta is extremely close to my cervix so I will be getting rescanned in four weeks to make sure that the placenta has moved up.  Otherwise, I could get placenta previa and end up on bed rest (yuck!).  Also, I think the baby had a choroid plexus cyst which I think are fairly common, but I still get nervous.  Again, my rescan in four weeks will hopefully show that this has gone away.

Things to look forward to: Finally looking at baby items.  I am trying to get through the Baby Bargains book before doing so.  I finally picked out custom bedding/fabric that I love and am pretty much going to plan the nursery around that.  Still haven't bought anything baby related yet though.

I continue to feel blessed everyday.  I had dinner with my Resolve 2 girls last night.  It is always fun seeing pictures of their babies and listening to their advice.  They all give me hope that I will have a beautiful, happy baby even after everything I have been through, because they have all been through the same.  My husband and I are also going to dinner with our friends who lost their babies (see previous post).  I can't wait to see her and give her a big hug!!!  I think about her everyday and continue to pray that in time her heart is able to heal, although never forget....as I wish for all the other women out there dealing with infertility or loss.