Full Term - 37 Weeks

Well, I actually made it!  I can't believe I am full term.  At my weekly OB appointment on Wednesday I received my hospital check-in card that my office hands out in case I go into labor.  It basically has all of my lab results such as iron count, blood type, strep B results, and any complications such as fibroids.  It made everything so official for me :)


Currently my scheduled c-section is July 11th, but I am on the waiting list for the 9th.  I originally thought I was scheduled for the 9th, but apparently not!  Another surprise...I am still anemic.  I have been taking iron supplements since March.  I now have to take two iron supplements everyday.  My doctor tried scaring me by telling me I am already at a higher chance of bleeding due to the fibroids and that he hopes my iron levels increase to avoid a blood transfusion.  I would like to thank my doctor for scaring the crap out of me!!!


Our baby seems quite cozy in her home and I am not dilated at all. My contractions due to my high maintenance uterus have even died down. Therefore, unless my water breaks it really does not appear that I will start labor before my c-section.  It is quite ironic how things work out.  She wanted out desperately at 22/23 weeks and now she refuses to come out!  She sure is stubborn.  I am quite happy with her staying put until the 11th.


37 Weeks:


Weight Gain: 14 pounds


Symptoms: heartburn, nausea, difficulty in catching my breath.  Otherwise, I feel pretty good!  I might get bitch slapped for saying this... but I even slept through the night the past two nights!  I have no back pain, hardly any contractions anymore, and pretty much don't even feel pregnant.  I have no idea what is going on!  Maybe this is the calm before the storm?


What I miss: a nice big fat deli sandwich from New York Deli.  I have been craving one constantly.


Milestone: reaching full- term


Things to look forward to: having my daughter!  I guess I still look forward to my weekly NST's for the next two weeks.  She is still not much of a mover and gives me a good scare at least 2-3 times a week.


37 Weeks, 1 Day Bump Pic

C-Section It Is

I haven't been blogging much because I hate the new blogger set up.  I have noticed that my blogs are quite boring lately, but I used to write them at work when I have time.  Now, due to the new design of blogger, I can't get on blogger at work.  At night I am so exhausted, I find myself just blabbing on and on when writing posts. So I am apologizing ahead of time.

Well....so much has happened since my last blogpost!  First, I forgot to blog about my huge 32 week milestone (or perhaps I was just too lazy to)!  I was scheduled for an ultrasound for a couple of reasons.  First, my doctor wanted to make sure my placenta moved away from my cervix.  Second, I was scheduled for a growth scan due to some concerns about not gaining weight appropriately eventhough I eat like a cow, and because my doctor was worried about the fibroids crowding the baby. Everything turned out great!  The placenta has moved up and the baby was measuring at 4 pounds 5 ounces at 32 weeks (66th percentile).

However, there always seems to be some bad news.  The baby is still breeched.  Actually, the baby is in the exact position she was in at 20 weeks.  She is in a frank breech position with her butt down low, feet by her ears, head jammed up inside my right ribs, and her arms criss crossed in front of her face shielding her from any glamour shots we wanted the doctor to take :) This normally wouldn't be a problem since there is plenty of time for the baby to flip.   In my case, our baby is not flipping.  She is literally wedged between a 10 cm fibroid and an 8 cm fibroid.  She looks plenty cozy with nowhere to go.  I asked the doctor to tell me the chance she would flip.  In normal pregnancies it is 40%.  For me I was told "it isn't happening".  Another ultrasound at 34 weeks confirmed this.  She was in the EXACT position again...butt, feet, head, hands, and all.  I swear I have the most chill baby ever! Must be all that Bob Marley music I am playing her.

So, a c-section it is.  It was supposed to be scheduled for Wednesday, July 4th.  However, my doctor is out of town for the holiday so it is scheduled for Monday, July 9th.  I was hoping that our doctor would bump the c-section up a week instead of back a week, but apparently the hospital I am delivering at has a policy in place preventing any c-sections from being scheduled prior to 39 weeks.  I am not happy about a c-section and scared shitless about the probability that I will go into labor while my doctor is on vacation and a doctor I have never met will have to perform an emergency c-section.  I honestly try not think about any of it.  I have to be thankful for where I am at today.

34 Weeks 

Weight Gain: 12 pounds

Symptoms: tired, rib pain, shortness of breath, emotional, hot all the time (I wonder if this is what menopause feels like)

What I miss: A beer

Milestones: every week is another milestone!

Things to look forward to: weekly NST's, another ultrasound at 36 weeks


34 Weeks Bump Pic


Mother's Day

What really makes one a mother?
Do you physically have to give birth in order to be called a mother?
Do you have to have been pregnant before to be a mother?
Do you have to have living children to be called a mother?
I guess depending on who you ask, the answers may vary.

I know that I consider myself a mother already.  I also know that my parents made it a point to tell me how excited I must be that next year I will be able to celebrate Mother's Day.  It is a shame that I had to remind them twice in the same phone call that I am already a mother.  My three babies may not be here physically with me, but they are being taken care of, and they are hopefully looking down on me smiling as I am looking up at them.  I am not upset with my parents.  I realize that as much as they want to be there for me, the past two years have been difficult on them as well.  It is easier to just be excited about what is occurring now, and push all of the frustration and sadness aside.  Denial is just easier.

However, as I talk more and more about my emotional pain and struggles over the last almost two years, something amazing has started to take place.  Understanding and true empathy.  I had one of my closest friends come over last week.  She has always been a very dear friend to me, but in the past year and half, infertility has driven a wedge between us which we are trying to overcome.  She and her daughter stopped by for a play date with gift and card in hand.  She got me a Mother's day card for those awaiting a baby, but it was what she said before I opened the card that choked me up.  "Now I know you are already a mother...".  I don't know why this was so important to me, perhaps my hormones are completely out of control.  However, she was the first one from the non-infertility world to recognize that and it meant a lot.

Today is a hard day for a lot of my friends.  Either they are remembering what could have been, or they are mourning what they don't have but long for.  I think about and pray for each of them.  I am somewhere in the middle, and it is still difficult. I ask that if you know someone suffering from infertility or loss, that you remember them today as well.  You may not realize how much it truly means to them that you have recognized them on this day as well.

30 Weeks

I can't believe we only have 10 weeks left!  I have been in complete nesting mode.  I have started on the nursery, but there is still a ton of work to do.  Since I am still apprehensive about completing the nursery, I have decided to start redecorating our living/dining space instead.   I don't know what I was thinking.  Anyways, back to my post...

30 Weeks

Weight Gain: 12 pounds

Symptoms: round ligament pain, fatigue, heartburn, constant braxton hicks contractions

What I Miss: Sleep, sleep, and more sleep

Milestones: actually being able to feel parts of the baby whether it is the head or butt (can't tell which) pushing out on my stomach, buying some big ticket items such as infant car seat and stroller/bassinet, and passing both NST's

Things to look forward to: ultrasound in two weeks!

Two weeks ago, we ended up having to go see our doctor due to lack of movement.  I didn't think it was a big deal, but the nurse freaked me out when I called and basically yelled at me.  So in I went for a non-stress test and my first diet coke in 7 months ;)  Everything is apparently fine.  Our baby is just out of room because of these damn fibroids.  I have also been lifted off any bedrest or modified bedrest.  Actually, I was told to begin walking everyday to see if the baby's head will surpass my fibroid.  Basically the large fibroid is blocking my birth canal. This just means more ultrasounds for me! As much as this fibroid has caused me problems such as pre-term labor, it appears that the fibroid is also preventing me from dilating.  It is ironic how things work.  I will leave you with a 30 week pic.  (I apologize for the pink wife beater.  I truly have no idea what I was thinking wearing this shirt in my first pictures, but I am just trying to keep it consistent.  I really do dress better than this.)

Don't Ignore...us

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week.  I have decided to dedicate a post to NIAW's "Don't Ignore Infertility" campaign.  Infertility affects 1 in 8 couples.  Those 1 in 8 could be your sister, brother, daughter, son, best friend, the person standing next to you.  There is a good chance you may not even know, because infertility is an invisible disease.  This makes it easy for others to ignore or dismiss our pain, emotions, our struggles.  However, we are here and we do matter.

Don't ignore that this is a disease.  We who suffer from infertility are told to "just relax" and it will happen.  Infertility is not cured by "just relaxing".  We don't just get pregnant by trying the first month and delivering a baby 40 weeks later.  It is not easy for us.  About 85%-90% of infertility cases are treated with drug therapy or surgical procedures and there is no guarantee that they will work.

For those who suffer from infertility, don't ignore your own strength.  We should recognize our own resilience.  To the woman who has had countless fertility treatments with no positive outcome...to those who have had loss after loss with no baby to show for it...to the couples who wake up everyday and think that they can't take any more heartache...you are stronger than you may think.

And to those who may know me personally... please don't ignore me.

Don't assume that since I am now expecting a daughter that I am somehow "cured"...

Don't ignore what I went through...

I was in pain...

I had almost lost hope...

I was scared...

I struggled...

I cried...

I spent countless hours having blood drawn and ultrasounds...

I have had multiple surgeries...

I have had my hopes lifted and then in the same instant crushed...

I have watched others around me have their first child...their second...

As I watched time slip by one second at a time...

I have gained friends, but lost many more...

My marriage has been tested, but it is now more solid than ever...

I have scars on my heart from my previous three losses...

Scars that will always ache...

I wake up every morning and think about how I got where I am right now...

My journey will continue...

The experiences are forever etched into my soul...

Please don't ignore me...for I am 1 in 8.

Home Sweet Home

I had such a great trip back home!  I know I say it all the time, but I truly miss my family and friends.  Don't get me wrong, I love Chicago too, but Kansas is just home for me.

First I will get to the wedding which is what brought us back to Kansas in the first place.  Our good friends finally tied the knot. They already have a son together so this has been a long time coming.   It was a gorgeous wedding and it was so nice to see our friends.  I have to admit is was quite entertaining watching everyone get trashed.  I was pretty much chair bound the entire night, but trust me it is in everybody's best interest that I stay off the dance floor anyways.  I had every intention of taking lots of pictures, but once 8 p.m. rolled around I was ready for bed.  I did manage to make it until ten which I was definitely proud of.

The other half of our visit was traveling around visiting various family and friends.  Now, I must note that I did not have a baby shower due to the fact that I was unsure if I was going to be able to travel later on in pregnancy.  I did have a girlfriend in Chicago offer to throw me a shower, but considering most of my closest friends do not live here and the fact that the two that do are either awkward around me or still have yet to even congratulate/be happy for me, I decided it would be kind of ridiculous to have one here.  Therefore, I was fairly surprised to make out quite well in the gift department this weekend.  Honestly, I was not expecting anything.  I thought maybe I would get some gifts here and there from friends whom I have given baby gifts to, but that has not been the case.   Instead, I had people who hardly knew me giving us gifts.  I was shocked and beyond thankful.  The weekend was like a walking baby shower.  Perhaps everyone thinks I am a charity case, but I think that we just have good people in our lives :).  I have to admit it has been difficult shopping for anything since I am either on bed rest or modified bed rest.  So, I am forever grateful and truly blessed that people actually thought of us.  Hugs to you all!

Also, I am working on my blog post for Infertility Awareness Week.  Should have it posted later this week. 

Since I don't have any wedding pics, I thought I would give a sneak peak of one of the best presents of the weekend. (By the way I have been a die hard Jayhawks fan since I was in grade school, and yes, I did attend the University of Kansas...go hawks!)  Isn't this precious :)

3rd Trimester- 28 weeks!

Holy S&#T  Did I really make it this far already!?  And seriously has it already been three weeks since I blogged?  Ugh....

I have yet reached another milestone that I honestly never even let myself imagine.  I am so truly thankful for each and every day that I am pregnant.  It has been a scary journey thus far, but I can finally see the homestretch.  Every OB appointment my doctor smiles and says "You made it another week...now just get to 32 weeks.  Nothing less".  My doctor has it set in his mind that I will probably go into labor around 32-34 weeks.  I joke with him that the more he says that, the more likely I am to be one of those women that goes 2 weeks past their due date and has to end up being induced :)  I am probably the only woman that would honestly be happy with that for I want my baby girl to bake as long as she can.

28 Weeks

Weight Gain: 10 pounds

Symptoms: heartburn, sore ribs, tired, back/fibroid pain

What I Miss: not having back/fibroid pain

Milestones: passed gestational diabetes, making it to my third trimester, starting the nursery

Things to look forward to:  finishing the nursery, waking up every morning and feeling her kick

I did find out I am apparently anemic.  I have been taking a daily iron supplement which isn't too bad.  I also ended up on bed rest again due to a second round of fibroid pain.  Not nearly as bad as the first time, but I certainly do not wish to relive the experience for a third time.

My husband and I are heading to Kansas for our friends wedding this weekend.  I am super excited that I will actually get to socialize with people!  My OB warned me two weeks ago that he most likely would not let me go.  However, yesterday I had yet another wonderful cervical check and he seemed comfortable clearing me for the trip.  It is only an hour flight and we will be gone 3 days, not a huge deal.  I am looking forward to seeing my family and friends.