I had a very lovely dinner with the Resolve ladies last night. It is so nice to see familiar faces and to get hugs from the ladies and encouraging words from those whom I don't feel like I need to explain anything too. I also received some wonderful tips from breast feeding to what I should be eating right now. I am so lucky that a group has been created in my area for those suffering from infertility that are now expecting. It is a tough place to be because you don't really feel as if you fit anywhere. Most pregnant women don't understand, but it is also not right to ask for support from those that may still be in that dark, unknown hell while TTC. Anyways, back to my post....
15 Weeks:
Weight Gain: 4 pounds (probably from those damn chocolate cupcakes I intended to bring into work but never did)
Baby bump: Not sure if what I have is qualified as a small bump. I just look like I have eaten too many cupcakes...which I have.
Maternity clothes: Not yet
Symptoms: Nosebleeds, stuffy nose, and constant feeling of having to pee
Milestones: My first adventure into a baby store. I have also been given clearance to work out again. No running (sad), but I am allowed to do a low impact workout and gradually increase my activity over time.
Things to look forward too: Researching ideas for the nursery. Gender scan countdown has begun...10 days left.
Dr.'s Followup: I also had an OB appointment Wednesday. I was checked for a bladder infection due to the constant need to pee. However, upon further discovery, it appears as if my uterus has not flipped due to my fibroid. Usually if you have a retroverted uterus it will flip before week 14. However, my fibroid is so large and heavy that it is causing my uterus to not cooperate. As long as I can continue to go to the bathroom (both ways if you know what I mean), then it should not cause a problem. If it does cause an issue, my OB will have to manually flip me, and I may need a catheter for some time. By all means this does not sound like a pleasant experience! I have a follow up in 3 weeks for a cervical check as well since my uterus is measuring 22 weeks. This means that when my uterus does flip, I will basically look like I am carrying twins. Thank you Mr. Fibroid.
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
What are YOU doing here?!
I have been so busy with work so haven't been able to post! Thank you for the comments and emails from my last post. To follow up 1) my mom called me this weekend and basically kissed my behind. I think she feels bad about what she said, so I am just going to let it go. She is my mom and I love her. 2) Regarding my friend issue, one of you emailed me and pretty much were right on point. The caddy and cliquish behavior became boring in high school. Why would I want to be part of that? Done...over. Wish I had closure, but you don't always get what you want. Tough shit.
So, I have quite an interesting story from this weekend. First, I have done absolutely no shopping for the baby. A matter of fact, I had not even looked online for ideas or anything. Since I had such an abundance of energy this weekend (thank you 2nd trimester!) I decided to do some research on nursery items, primarily furniture. The hubs and I decided to go to the closest "Pea and the Pod" to browse. I was terrified of this outing because I did not want to bump into anyone.
We did not even make it through the front door before hearing "What are YOU guys doing here?!". Seriously, what are the chances I would actually see somebody I know...and out of all people it was our downstairs neighbors. Lord! After looking like a deer in headlights and much stammering, I managed to blab that I am 14 weeks, that this was our first shopping excursion, and I was terrified of seeing someone because we haven't told anyone. This seemed to confuse our neighbors seeing as she is 11 weeks and they have told almost everyone and they have already done a ton of shopping. So naturally I felt I had to explain myself and told her my quick back story. They seemed very surprised seeing that I practically see/talk to these people everyday and they had no idea the long, complicated, and often depressing journey we endured. It actually felt refreshing to get it off my chest.
So, to sum it up our neighbors who we are friends with are expecting their first baby as well. She is three weeks behind me. It will be nice to experience this journey together. We are planning on getting together for dinner to celebrate. It is also nice to know that hubs and I will not be the only ones pissing off all the rest of our neighbors with a crying baby (we live in a small condo building consisting of six condos, five couples, a single drunk dude, two dogs, and zero children...as of now). Our neighbors also made a good point...a nanny share. I have never thought of this before because I always wondered how you find someone to share a nanny with. Well, this may be our solution.
I will post a weekly update later this week after my doctor's appointment. I hope everyone is doing well!
So, I have quite an interesting story from this weekend. First, I have done absolutely no shopping for the baby. A matter of fact, I had not even looked online for ideas or anything. Since I had such an abundance of energy this weekend (thank you 2nd trimester!) I decided to do some research on nursery items, primarily furniture. The hubs and I decided to go to the closest "Pea and the Pod" to browse. I was terrified of this outing because I did not want to bump into anyone.
We did not even make it through the front door before hearing "What are YOU guys doing here?!". Seriously, what are the chances I would actually see somebody I know...and out of all people it was our downstairs neighbors. Lord! After looking like a deer in headlights and much stammering, I managed to blab that I am 14 weeks, that this was our first shopping excursion, and I was terrified of seeing someone because we haven't told anyone. This seemed to confuse our neighbors seeing as she is 11 weeks and they have told almost everyone and they have already done a ton of shopping. So naturally I felt I had to explain myself and told her my quick back story. They seemed very surprised seeing that I practically see/talk to these people everyday and they had no idea the long, complicated, and often depressing journey we endured. It actually felt refreshing to get it off my chest.
So, to sum it up our neighbors who we are friends with are expecting their first baby as well. She is three weeks behind me. It will be nice to experience this journey together. We are planning on getting together for dinner to celebrate. It is also nice to know that hubs and I will not be the only ones pissing off all the rest of our neighbors with a crying baby (we live in a small condo building consisting of six condos, five couples, a single drunk dude, two dogs, and zero children...as of now). Our neighbors also made a good point...a nanny share. I have never thought of this before because I always wondered how you find someone to share a nanny with. Well, this may be our solution.
I will post a weekly update later this week after my doctor's appointment. I hope everyone is doing well!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Resentment
Well ladies, I don't usually do this but I may actually be asking for some advice. I have kept this blog private from my friends and family on purpose. Because of that, I have the advantage of talking about them without hurting their feelings. Anyways, I don't know if anyone actually reads my blog or will even comment...but hey...maybe just writing down how upset I am will make me feel better. I have read similar posts and heard similar stories during my Resolve meetings (especially about my "friend" issue) so I can't possibly be the only one that has ever experiences this. So, be prepared for this psychological purging of emotions I am about to share :)
Issue # 1
My RE put me on a daily baby aspirin regime ever since I tested positive for MTHFR (compound hetero- one bad copy of each gene). I was to continue this regime to prevent blood clots along with taking perscription prenatals in order for my body to be able to absorb folic acid. I was to stop the baby aspirin at 30 weeks if I became pregnant, and then begin back up 2 weeks after delivery. There have not been alot of studies on MTHFR and there are many different theories regarding the treatment. With that being said, my RE thought better to be safe than sorry. Baby aspirin and extra folic acid will not hurt. My OB on the otherhand wants me to stop taking the baby aspirin at 13 weeks. He was also unfamiliar with MTHFR. Since my 13 week doctor appointment was cancelled with him, I am waiting on a phone call still so I can discuss this further with him.
My mother is a medical technologist at a hospital and works directly with hematologists. She has taken it upon herself to tell the hematologist about my pregnancy and that I am taking baby aspirin. I received a phone call from my crazy mother telling me that she doesn't think I should be taking the baby aspirin because it will cause a brain hemorrhage in the baby thus killing it. I am not kidding...this is the conversation I had with my mom. This hematologist is from freaking Kansas, has never met me, does not know my history, and probably hasn't even heard of MTHFR. I was so upset that I told my mom she had no right to inform me of this. I trust my RE and will get another opinion from an OB if mine still argues with me regarding the baby aspirin.
I am so resentful that my mother would even get in my business when she has no idea what she is talking about. I never asked her for her opinion. I am so upset with her and can't even bring myself to talk to her at the moment. For you IFers, are you taking baby aspirin for a blood clotting disorder or MTHFR? If so, when did you stop taking it?
Issue # 2
I have a friend that lives in Chicago who I have been friends with for 12 years. We met in college, became college roommates, then coworkers, and always very good friends. Our lives always seem to bring us together. She moved to Chicago a month after I did. Anyways, long story short...we don't talk anymore. I suffered my first loss halfway through her first pregnancy. I suffered my second loss a couple of days before her small Chicago baby shower that me and another friend put on, and actually passed everything (meaning the remains of a sac/embryo) the night before. I suffered my third loss a couple months after she gave birth to her daughter. Needless to say, I could not bring myself to meet her baby until her baby was six months old. She was the only friend I even told about my miscarriages because I felt like I needed to explain myself, not really because I even wanted to. After all, I didn't tell anyone.
After I finally met her baby, I was fine. I was so scared prior to meeting her child because I was not sure how I would handle it. I didn't want to breakdown. Once I realized that I could be "normal" around her baby and not an emotional mess, I thought perfect...things could be like they were...just +1. That is not how they turned out. I think that my friend felt frustrated because she knew my struggles to conceive, but I never wanted to talk to her about it. I just wanted a friend that I could hang out with and be "normal" with and NOT talk about my struggles. I mean my whole life revolved around my struggle to conceive. I think that is why I enjoyed work so much because I could just feel "normal" and nobody knew what I was going through and it was if my struggles to conceive didn't exist.
I quickly realized that she had time for her other friends, but not me. That was fine. I honestly thought to myself "I deserve this" "why would she want to hang out with me, I am pathetic". Those feelings of self-loathing soon turned into pure hurt and anger. To top it off, a bunch of mutual friends that we met in college were coming up to visit my friend along with another girl who we know in Chicago as well. I learned that everyone was going to get together and go to dinner, etc. Nobody told me about it. I was completely left out on purpose. These are friends that I have known for years and haven't seen in quite a while. I live TEN minutes away and nobody thought to invite me or tell me about it. I felt as if I was being punished for going through a difficult time. This all happened the month before my IVF. It was one of the hardest months that I have gone through.
In that moment, I quickly realized that I thought of her as a much better friend than she thought of me. I decided to tell her how I was feeling. She explained to me she thought it would make me uncomfortable since her child would be there...you know the child I have already met. Her excuse made NO sense to me and pissed me off more. The fact is either 1) she just didn't want me there, or 2) she felt uncomfortable. Either way it was a pretty shitty thing to do. I felt she was extremely selfish. I just needed a friend! I have never even had a conversation with her about all the uncomfortable things I have gone through to even make her feel uncomfortable! The worse part is that she is not a mean person. So why has she been such a shitty person to me? Why did I deserve this? I think back to when her step-dad passed before her wedding, I can't possible imagine treating her the way she has treated me. I couldn't imagine treating anyone that way. So, the hubs along with another dear friend think I should just let it go...time heals all wounds right? I am much better without, right? It is just hard for me to do that though, but any communication would just be awkward now. I guess I am asking, how do I get over this? I know I have read similar experiences, I just wish I could have remembered the outcome of what I read?
Anyways, that was a lot of blabbing, but I warned you ahead of time. I can't help it...I am emotion today! I promise to follow up with a more light-hearted post later this week for my 14 week update!
Anyways, all this happened four months ago. I have things to finally be happy about, but that doesn't mean that I still don't think about it. I just want to get over it. But how? You would think after four months I would be less resentful, but I am not.
Issue # 1
My RE put me on a daily baby aspirin regime ever since I tested positive for MTHFR (compound hetero- one bad copy of each gene). I was to continue this regime to prevent blood clots along with taking perscription prenatals in order for my body to be able to absorb folic acid. I was to stop the baby aspirin at 30 weeks if I became pregnant, and then begin back up 2 weeks after delivery. There have not been alot of studies on MTHFR and there are many different theories regarding the treatment. With that being said, my RE thought better to be safe than sorry. Baby aspirin and extra folic acid will not hurt. My OB on the otherhand wants me to stop taking the baby aspirin at 13 weeks. He was also unfamiliar with MTHFR. Since my 13 week doctor appointment was cancelled with him, I am waiting on a phone call still so I can discuss this further with him.
My mother is a medical technologist at a hospital and works directly with hematologists. She has taken it upon herself to tell the hematologist about my pregnancy and that I am taking baby aspirin. I received a phone call from my crazy mother telling me that she doesn't think I should be taking the baby aspirin because it will cause a brain hemorrhage in the baby thus killing it. I am not kidding...this is the conversation I had with my mom. This hematologist is from freaking Kansas, has never met me, does not know my history, and probably hasn't even heard of MTHFR. I was so upset that I told my mom she had no right to inform me of this. I trust my RE and will get another opinion from an OB if mine still argues with me regarding the baby aspirin.
I am so resentful that my mother would even get in my business when she has no idea what she is talking about. I never asked her for her opinion. I am so upset with her and can't even bring myself to talk to her at the moment. For you IFers, are you taking baby aspirin for a blood clotting disorder or MTHFR? If so, when did you stop taking it?
Issue # 2
I have a friend that lives in Chicago who I have been friends with for 12 years. We met in college, became college roommates, then coworkers, and always very good friends. Our lives always seem to bring us together. She moved to Chicago a month after I did. Anyways, long story short...we don't talk anymore. I suffered my first loss halfway through her first pregnancy. I suffered my second loss a couple of days before her small Chicago baby shower that me and another friend put on, and actually passed everything (meaning the remains of a sac/embryo) the night before. I suffered my third loss a couple months after she gave birth to her daughter. Needless to say, I could not bring myself to meet her baby until her baby was six months old. She was the only friend I even told about my miscarriages because I felt like I needed to explain myself, not really because I even wanted to. After all, I didn't tell anyone.
After I finally met her baby, I was fine. I was so scared prior to meeting her child because I was not sure how I would handle it. I didn't want to breakdown. Once I realized that I could be "normal" around her baby and not an emotional mess, I thought perfect...things could be like they were...just +1. That is not how they turned out. I think that my friend felt frustrated because she knew my struggles to conceive, but I never wanted to talk to her about it. I just wanted a friend that I could hang out with and be "normal" with and NOT talk about my struggles. I mean my whole life revolved around my struggle to conceive. I think that is why I enjoyed work so much because I could just feel "normal" and nobody knew what I was going through and it was if my struggles to conceive didn't exist.
I quickly realized that she had time for her other friends, but not me. That was fine. I honestly thought to myself "I deserve this" "why would she want to hang out with me, I am pathetic". Those feelings of self-loathing soon turned into pure hurt and anger. To top it off, a bunch of mutual friends that we met in college were coming up to visit my friend along with another girl who we know in Chicago as well. I learned that everyone was going to get together and go to dinner, etc. Nobody told me about it. I was completely left out on purpose. These are friends that I have known for years and haven't seen in quite a while. I live TEN minutes away and nobody thought to invite me or tell me about it. I felt as if I was being punished for going through a difficult time. This all happened the month before my IVF. It was one of the hardest months that I have gone through.
In that moment, I quickly realized that I thought of her as a much better friend than she thought of me. I decided to tell her how I was feeling. She explained to me she thought it would make me uncomfortable since her child would be there...you know the child I have already met. Her excuse made NO sense to me and pissed me off more. The fact is either 1) she just didn't want me there, or 2) she felt uncomfortable. Either way it was a pretty shitty thing to do. I felt she was extremely selfish. I just needed a friend! I have never even had a conversation with her about all the uncomfortable things I have gone through to even make her feel uncomfortable! The worse part is that she is not a mean person. So why has she been such a shitty person to me? Why did I deserve this? I think back to when her step-dad passed before her wedding, I can't possible imagine treating her the way she has treated me. I couldn't imagine treating anyone that way. So, the hubs along with another dear friend think I should just let it go...time heals all wounds right? I am much better without, right? It is just hard for me to do that though, but any communication would just be awkward now. I guess I am asking, how do I get over this? I know I have read similar experiences, I just wish I could have remembered the outcome of what I read?
Anyways, that was a lot of blabbing, but I warned you ahead of time. I can't help it...I am emotion today! I promise to follow up with a more light-hearted post later this week for my 14 week update!
Anyways, all this happened four months ago. I have things to finally be happy about, but that doesn't mean that I still don't think about it. I just want to get over it. But how? You would think after four months I would be less resentful, but I am not.
Friday, January 6, 2012
13 Weeks
Yesterday we had the nerve wracking NT scan. All was well. Baby was measuring at 13W5D. My OB office goes off the highest of the three NT measurements which for me was 2mm (the others were around 1.5mm). They said this was very good because the average thickness at 13W in a normal pregnancy is 2.18mm and at 13W6D is 2.8mm. Anything above 2.8mm would have increased the odds for Downs. We also saw a nasal bone forming. I am just waiting on my blood results, but by just looking at the U/S I was told to go ahead and schedule my 20 week appointment thus forgoing an amnio.
The hubs and I got a giggle during the U/S. The baby was flying from one end of the sac to the other every time the tech poked it. It would not stop kicking and waving. We even got to see a yawn :) On a side note: I at times do refer to our baby as "it". I apologize if I offend anyone by doing this. The fact is that it is not really a baby yet and we don't know the sex. So, I guess I could call it "fetus" or "parasite", but "it" is just easier. I had a friend who got snippy once when I called her baby "it" (they chose to not find out the sex). Honestly, I think some women just need to chill the fuck out when it comes to those things, but that is my opinion. Seriously some of us have other things to worry about like my fibroids degenerating and causing preterm labor, or perhaps suffering another loss. Worrying about what to call "it" just seems trivial to me. So again, sorry if I offend anyone but I will probably call my baby "it" until I find out the sex. (getting off of my soapbox now)
I decided to start a short overview about my pregnancy that I will try and update weekly. Mainly for my benefit I guess.
How far along: 13 weeks, measuring 13 weeks 5 days
Weight gain: 1 pound.
Baby bump: No bump but tummy is getting harder if that counts. Wearing my regular clothes just fine but I feel like I have gained 20 pounds.
Symptoms: headaches everyday, pressure in the abdomen, sleepy, still suffering from occasional sickness
Milestones: NT scan went well. I am out of the first trimester according to my OB...something I truly thought was never possible for me.
Things to look forward to: gender scan in 3 weeks, being able to spill the beans to my friends and other family members soon. Seeing my Resolve friends in a couple of weeks.
I have been following all of my buddies often. Some of you just had babies so congrats. There have also been several success stories lately! Yay! Those that email me, please continue to do so! Others are starting treatment again so I am sending positive thoughts your way.
The hubs and I got a giggle during the U/S. The baby was flying from one end of the sac to the other every time the tech poked it. It would not stop kicking and waving. We even got to see a yawn :) On a side note: I at times do refer to our baby as "it". I apologize if I offend anyone by doing this. The fact is that it is not really a baby yet and we don't know the sex. So, I guess I could call it "fetus" or "parasite", but "it" is just easier. I had a friend who got snippy once when I called her baby "it" (they chose to not find out the sex). Honestly, I think some women just need to chill the fuck out when it comes to those things, but that is my opinion. Seriously some of us have other things to worry about like my fibroids degenerating and causing preterm labor, or perhaps suffering another loss. Worrying about what to call "it" just seems trivial to me. So again, sorry if I offend anyone but I will probably call my baby "it" until I find out the sex. (getting off of my soapbox now)
I decided to start a short overview about my pregnancy that I will try and update weekly. Mainly for my benefit I guess.
How far along: 13 weeks, measuring 13 weeks 5 days
Weight gain: 1 pound.
Baby bump: No bump but tummy is getting harder if that counts. Wearing my regular clothes just fine but I feel like I have gained 20 pounds.
Symptoms: headaches everyday, pressure in the abdomen, sleepy, still suffering from occasional sickness
Milestones: NT scan went well. I am out of the first trimester according to my OB...something I truly thought was never possible for me.
Things to look forward to: gender scan in 3 weeks, being able to spill the beans to my friends and other family members soon. Seeing my Resolve friends in a couple of weeks.
I have been following all of my buddies often. Some of you just had babies so congrats. There have also been several success stories lately! Yay! Those that email me, please continue to do so! Others are starting treatment again so I am sending positive thoughts your way.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Blessed
I feel I have been an awful blogger. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!
The hubs and I had a great visit with our families in Kansas this past week. I have finally reached the 12 week milestone so we were able to share our news with our families only. We will probably announce the pregnancy to our friends around the 20 week mark just out of personal preference (unless I am huge by that time...although I have no bump yet). Our families were ecstatic and to say there were a lot of tears is an understatement. I wrote a poem in a card that made our parents think but did not give the surprise away. I then wrapped up our 11W5D ultrasound picture for them to open after reading the poem. It was precious.
I know that I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family. I miss them so much, and every time I leave I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I also recognize that I have a wonderful group of girlfriends. It kills me to lie to them every time they ask me if I have any baby news. I feel so guilty because I can feel my friends disappointment every time they ask. Most of my girlfriends have been there for me and supported me through this journey and it feels so wrong to not tell them. Hopefully they will understand the reason I waited so long when I do decide to tell. I can't wait to talk all things baby when I do come out to my closest friend who is expecting her second child....it has been so difficult to bite my tongue when I talk to her!
I also know that I am blessed to of found Resolve. Although I no longer attend the Glenview group because I am now expecting, I have been invited to attend a new group through Resolve that is for women who have struggled with infertility and are either currently pregnant or who have already had children. There are several of my IF friends through the Glenview group that are now expecting so they will now be attending this new group, and I can't wait to see them! We have become pretty close.
I hope everyone has a wonderful New Years! Although I will be jealous that I will not be able to drink champagne, we do have plans to attend a party with several of our good friends so I am definitely looking forward to it. Hopefully I can stay awake!
Cheers to 2012!!!
The hubs and I had a great visit with our families in Kansas this past week. I have finally reached the 12 week milestone so we were able to share our news with our families only. We will probably announce the pregnancy to our friends around the 20 week mark just out of personal preference (unless I am huge by that time...although I have no bump yet). Our families were ecstatic and to say there were a lot of tears is an understatement. I wrote a poem in a card that made our parents think but did not give the surprise away. I then wrapped up our 11W5D ultrasound picture for them to open after reading the poem. It was precious.
I know that I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family. I miss them so much, and every time I leave I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I also recognize that I have a wonderful group of girlfriends. It kills me to lie to them every time they ask me if I have any baby news. I feel so guilty because I can feel my friends disappointment every time they ask. Most of my girlfriends have been there for me and supported me through this journey and it feels so wrong to not tell them. Hopefully they will understand the reason I waited so long when I do decide to tell. I can't wait to talk all things baby when I do come out to my closest friend who is expecting her second child....it has been so difficult to bite my tongue when I talk to her!
I also know that I am blessed to of found Resolve. Although I no longer attend the Glenview group because I am now expecting, I have been invited to attend a new group through Resolve that is for women who have struggled with infertility and are either currently pregnant or who have already had children. There are several of my IF friends through the Glenview group that are now expecting so they will now be attending this new group, and I can't wait to see them! We have become pretty close.
I hope everyone has a wonderful New Years! Although I will be jealous that I will not be able to drink champagne, we do have plans to attend a party with several of our good friends so I am definitely looking forward to it. Hopefully I can stay awake!
Cheers to 2012!!!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Good News, Bad News
Today was our first OB appointment. I LOVE our OB. He came highly recommended from my RE and highly recommended from one of my husband's top surgeons in his territory. He also spent three hours with us today. I also love that he is a straight shooter...he doesn't just tell you what you want to hear.
First, the baby looked excellent today. My OB gave us 3D pictures and the baby is so freaking cute. I was actually almost measuring 10 weeks today when I am really only 9W3D. The baby was dancing around in its little bubble. Baby's heart rate is at 167 bpm. It is so crazy to think that the baby is that active and inside of ME! I have no morning sickness anymore and am really only suffering from tiredness, so it was such a relief to see that everything was ok. More good news...my OB did not even hesitate when we asked if we could come in next week for another ultrasound. Generally he would not perform another ultrasound until 13 weeks, but due to my history he is absolutely willing to see me weekly until 12 weeks. Such a relief! My miscarriage risk is all the way down to 4%. To think I have a 96% chance of not miscarrying is great....now he was quick to point out that this percent does not include pre-term labor, stillbirth, etc....but overall we have a good shot right now!
Now, not everything was all peachy today. A matter a fact we received some unsettling news which will warrant extra attention during my pregnancy. The OB said he wouldn't consider me entirely high risk, but there could be some complications. I always knew that I had fibroids which was part of the reason I had a lap done last spring. Well, the largest fibroid is now the size of a nerf football. It has already grown almost 4 cm. in 9 weeks and it is laying right on top of my colon. I believe the measurements were around 11cm x 10 cm (it took up the entire ultrasound screen zoomed out). At least my sciatic nerve pain can be explained. The doctor will be watching this carefully as it could degenerate and worse case scenario make me go into pre-term labor. My RE had already explained this risk, but it never felt real because I have never gotten this far into a pregnancy. Most likely I will need a cesarean, although, my OB will do anything/everything for me to have a vaginal birth. If a cesarean is the worse thing I have to face, then I am happy.
More alarming, my OB discovered another fibroid which is inside of the muscle of my uterus (unlike the nurf football sized one which is on the outside). He became very quite when he saw this. The problem, the placenta is latched on directly underneath this fibroid. If the fibroid grows (which is likely) and starts pushing in on the cavity of the uterus, then it could be threatening to the baby and possibly cause miscarriage. Again, this is a worse case scenario, but I am glad the doctor told us about it regardless. There is also mixed data showing whether these fibroids decrease blood flow to the uterus.
So, these fibroids which were not supposed to cause me any issues according to my last GYN are now possibly threatening to my pregnancy. A matter a fact, my previous GYN never even saw the fibroid inside my muscle because they never used a 3D ultrasound, which is the only thing that picked it up. Ladies...this is why it is imperative to have an excellent OB/GYN. My RE never really said much about these because his job was to get me pregnant. Anytime he saw an issue, he referred to my GYN. Seriously though, if you go on the intranet and look up whether fibroids are threatening to a pregnancy, almost always it says no. So why the hell is my case any different! It is so frustrating.
Anyways, I am not going to complain because overall everything went well today. I mean what pregnancy is absolutely perfect? Probably none.
First, the baby looked excellent today. My OB gave us 3D pictures and the baby is so freaking cute. I was actually almost measuring 10 weeks today when I am really only 9W3D. The baby was dancing around in its little bubble. Baby's heart rate is at 167 bpm. It is so crazy to think that the baby is that active and inside of ME! I have no morning sickness anymore and am really only suffering from tiredness, so it was such a relief to see that everything was ok. More good news...my OB did not even hesitate when we asked if we could come in next week for another ultrasound. Generally he would not perform another ultrasound until 13 weeks, but due to my history he is absolutely willing to see me weekly until 12 weeks. Such a relief! My miscarriage risk is all the way down to 4%. To think I have a 96% chance of not miscarrying is great....now he was quick to point out that this percent does not include pre-term labor, stillbirth, etc....but overall we have a good shot right now!
Now, not everything was all peachy today. A matter a fact we received some unsettling news which will warrant extra attention during my pregnancy. The OB said he wouldn't consider me entirely high risk, but there could be some complications. I always knew that I had fibroids which was part of the reason I had a lap done last spring. Well, the largest fibroid is now the size of a nerf football. It has already grown almost 4 cm. in 9 weeks and it is laying right on top of my colon. I believe the measurements were around 11cm x 10 cm (it took up the entire ultrasound screen zoomed out). At least my sciatic nerve pain can be explained. The doctor will be watching this carefully as it could degenerate and worse case scenario make me go into pre-term labor. My RE had already explained this risk, but it never felt real because I have never gotten this far into a pregnancy. Most likely I will need a cesarean, although, my OB will do anything/everything for me to have a vaginal birth. If a cesarean is the worse thing I have to face, then I am happy.
More alarming, my OB discovered another fibroid which is inside of the muscle of my uterus (unlike the nurf football sized one which is on the outside). He became very quite when he saw this. The problem, the placenta is latched on directly underneath this fibroid. If the fibroid grows (which is likely) and starts pushing in on the cavity of the uterus, then it could be threatening to the baby and possibly cause miscarriage. Again, this is a worse case scenario, but I am glad the doctor told us about it regardless. There is also mixed data showing whether these fibroids decrease blood flow to the uterus.
So, these fibroids which were not supposed to cause me any issues according to my last GYN are now possibly threatening to my pregnancy. A matter a fact, my previous GYN never even saw the fibroid inside my muscle because they never used a 3D ultrasound, which is the only thing that picked it up. Ladies...this is why it is imperative to have an excellent OB/GYN. My RE never really said much about these because his job was to get me pregnant. Anytime he saw an issue, he referred to my GYN. Seriously though, if you go on the intranet and look up whether fibroids are threatening to a pregnancy, almost always it says no. So why the hell is my case any different! It is so frustrating.
Anyways, I am not going to complain because overall everything went well today. I mean what pregnancy is absolutely perfect? Probably none.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Baby? Are you in There?
Well, I am beginning my 9th week. My first OB appointment is December 12th so I am trying to remain calm and patient. Today has been a wonderful day which causes me concern (I know I need to stop worrying). As I stood in front of the mirror this morning looking down at my non-existent baby bump and/or bloat I began wondering if there was in fact a baby in there? Shouldn't I be feeling something? So, in an attempt to make myself feel better, I am writing down a list of all things I have experienced in the last two weeks to remind myself that I am in fact pregnant. That the baby didn't just disappear from my stomach overnight.
1. Burping- Yes, I understand it is disgusting and my poor office mate probably wishes she worked next to somebody else every day. Thank God she spends most of the day cursing at her computer which tends to override the majority of my unflattering burps.
2. Nausea- Overall it has not been too bad. When it is, I find myself running to the bathroom almost excited. "Yeah! I threw up today! I feel like a normal pregnant lady." It is almost as if it is a victory for me and I am able to relax for a couple of hours.
3. Nighttime bathroom trips- I find myself making at least two to three trips to the bathroom every night. I honestly don't mind...my poor dog on the other hand appears sleep deprived. If only he could speak my language then I would say "Suck it up furbaby, it only gets worse!" My husband is lucky, he has been out in California for the past two weeks. He is in for a rude awakening when he gets home tomorrow night.
4. Emotional- I found myself bawling through two episodes of "One Born Every Minute". I don't mean tears trickling down my cheeks...I mean full on crying. Next up...I found myself crying through an episode of the "Millionaire Matchmaker". Really? Come on, that show isn't even sad. What the hell is wrong with me?
5. Exhaustion- I can not seem to get enough sleep. I find myself forcing my eyes to stay open around 1 pm everyday. Hence why I am writing my blog right now...to avoid taking a nap. I am not going to lie, there have been at least two occasions where I locked myself in the "nursing station" in the bathroom of my work to take a power nap. So wrong.
Hmmm...after looking over the above listed items I am not sure if this blog is making me feel better. As I said before I don't feel much of anything today. I mean, I feel as if I could run a marathon today...okay maybe half marathon...oh, who am I kidding! I am lazy as hell right now! I am just going to go back to the kitchen, eat some more chocolate, and worry some more.
1. Burping- Yes, I understand it is disgusting and my poor office mate probably wishes she worked next to somebody else every day. Thank God she spends most of the day cursing at her computer which tends to override the majority of my unflattering burps.
2. Nausea- Overall it has not been too bad. When it is, I find myself running to the bathroom almost excited. "Yeah! I threw up today! I feel like a normal pregnant lady." It is almost as if it is a victory for me and I am able to relax for a couple of hours.
3. Nighttime bathroom trips- I find myself making at least two to three trips to the bathroom every night. I honestly don't mind...my poor dog on the other hand appears sleep deprived. If only he could speak my language then I would say "Suck it up furbaby, it only gets worse!" My husband is lucky, he has been out in California for the past two weeks. He is in for a rude awakening when he gets home tomorrow night.
4. Emotional- I found myself bawling through two episodes of "One Born Every Minute". I don't mean tears trickling down my cheeks...I mean full on crying. Next up...I found myself crying through an episode of the "Millionaire Matchmaker". Really? Come on, that show isn't even sad. What the hell is wrong with me?
5. Exhaustion- I can not seem to get enough sleep. I find myself forcing my eyes to stay open around 1 pm everyday. Hence why I am writing my blog right now...to avoid taking a nap. I am not going to lie, there have been at least two occasions where I locked myself in the "nursing station" in the bathroom of my work to take a power nap. So wrong.
Hmmm...after looking over the above listed items I am not sure if this blog is making me feel better. As I said before I don't feel much of anything today. I mean, I feel as if I could run a marathon today...okay maybe half marathon...oh, who am I kidding! I am lazy as hell right now! I am just going to go back to the kitchen, eat some more chocolate, and worry some more.
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