In With the New...Out with the Old

Tonight is the Resolve meeting.  I can't even explain how excited I get that I have the opportunity to be able to sit around women who are like me and who understand me.  The biggest disappointment going through the past year and half has been the lack of support, understanding, or the fact that just many of my friends have children now so they are "too busy" to talk to me or spend time with me.  The surgeries, disappointments, miscarriages, loneliness, anger, and sadness...I have really truly only gone through with the support of my husband, my parents, and friends I have met through support groups...that's it.  It has been my choice to remain silent with most of my friends and other family members regarding everything, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to ever be invited to anything or spend time with them.  I have become distant to many people whom I considered myself close with (don't worry none of these close friends know of my blog).  To the best friend whom I stayed up until midnight wrapping baby shower gifts for, crying, all the while I was hemorrhaging from a miscarriage...I forgive you for excluding me from your life these days... to the friend who all of a sudden doesn't have time to call me because they are now pregnant again and feel uncomfortable talking to me....I get it.  I don't hate you.  I am disappointed and saddened by them...but I get it.  They won't be able to fully understand me because...well, they haven't been around me much recently.  I don't blame them and others for not wanting anything to do with me, I just wish I could have counted on them.

But then again, there are so many people that I never thought I had anything in common with or maybe never gave a chance to who are becoming my closest confidants.  It has been quite the reshuffling of people who make up my social circle these days. To those of you who have stood by me...some of whom I haven't even personally met, thank you.  To my coworker who has become one of my closest friends and literally got choked up after overhearing one of the calls from my doctor and just turned to me with a certain level of understanding and respect and said she couldn't believe how bad it was...thank you. To my friend whom I met on a babycenter support group that I finally got to meet in person and often attend meetings with...thank you.  To those that follow my blog and send me well wishes even though I know you are going through your own personal hell...thank you.  And to my husband and parents, they have no idea how much I have appreciated having someone to lean so heavily on.  I would only be a shell of myself without them.  And thank you to Resolve for bringing together a group of women who share an understanding...I always walk out of a meeting with my head a little higher and the hope a little stronger.